


Not Enough

by orphan_account



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Other, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 08:27:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17915336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: I was thinking about Envy's death scene in Brotherhood, and I ended writing it with as a modern day AU, and they live this time. This fic is unfinished.





	Not Enough

They were going to do it. They were going to kill themself.

 

Envy was 18 years of age. They were running away from their home, something they had fantasized about for months. They carried a beaten up duffle bag with them to school.They had brought all their school supplies with them in the duffle bag, but they dumped it out as the bell for the last period of the day rang. They weren't going to need those school things again. What was left over in the duffle bag were some basic necessities - a pocket knife, some money, a jacket, and a blanket. They didn't take the bus home from school that day - they were running away from home and never coming back.

Nobody was coming for them and they wouldn't be rescued like they had hoped so hard for. They weren't going to get the love they craved from their emotionally abusive parents. They had been screamed at the night before for not keeping up with school, but they couldn't focus. Envy dissociated during classes. It was pointless to try anyway, their best effort to please their parents wasn't enough, and never would be. Envy frequently hid out in their bedroom, and cried loudly when no one was home. They didn't understand why they were so pathetic, why they couldn't do anything right, and for that they were a disgrace in their parent's eyes. They were destined to be a failure just like their parents had said. So why did they care so much of what their parents thought? Who gives a fuck what they think? Because Envy was ungrateful and spoiled. They wanted what other people had. The least they could do is be a good kid for their parents, considering all that they do for Envy. Their parents always made sure there was food on the table, enough clothing, a roof over their head, and even installed a tracking app on their phone to make sure they were safe. That one made Envy feel violated, but they were sure their parents were doing it just to make sure they were always safe. Their parents did so much for them and they were ungrateful.

Their sight blurred as tears forced their way out, followed by some snot leaking from their nose. Envy's face was pale, all the color going to their eyes, leaving them puffy and red. They were a mess. Acne, flaky skin, and strange bumps covered their chest, back, forehead, and hands - something they were severely insecure about. They would never let anyone too close, fearing someone would notice. Envy always wore black, fingerless gloves and a headband. This gave them some comfort, especially with how snug it fit them. It felt like a hug. A hug that hid the parts they were most sensitive about.

Small whimpers came from their throat at the thought of a hug. They craved physical contact, they craved to be loved. Their father was cold and failing to meet his expectations would result in punishment, screaming, and/or a withdraw of love and acceptance. Their mother was the same way. This cycle of abuse became traumatic for them, fearing of being unlovable if they weren't perfect. They were terrified of losing friendships and relationships, because losing those felt like losing their parent's love all over again. They had abandonment issues and was envious of anybody who had a normal relationship with their parents where they could open up to them about anything. Envy knew the more they opened up to their parents, the more weird they thought Envy was. They stopped being so open a long time ago. They became bitter thinking about it, their face heated from shame, more tears surfacing. 

Envy didn't stop walking until they reached the woods at the end of their town. They continued making sniffles and quiet whimpering noises as they cried and tried to walk through the woods. Envy almost tripped several times while walking and crying, and stopped once they felt they wandered in deep enough. They dropped their duffle bag beside themself, and fell to the ground. Their eyebrows scrunched up and their lips quivered. They folded their legs up and sobbed, rocking back and forth. Despite how deep in the woods they were they still feared someone would hear them. 

Envy unzipped the duffle bag next to them and held the pocket knife in their hand. They flicked it open. Nobody would ever love them. They couldn't please their parents. Nothing mattered. Envy would kill themself here and hope to be reborn into a better life. In this one, they were bitter and felt like a pathetic worm. A worm green with envy.

 

 


End file.
